Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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