Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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