just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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