I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She's just so happy...and so naked.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You pole danced in your parka.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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