Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You are a genius and a whore.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
