marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
