I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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