tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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