so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i wish my penis had a tongue
love makes seman taste better
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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