R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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