I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
