Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
