Im at strip club and am horny
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
