How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
