[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
