how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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