Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
