hell yes lets make some ravioli
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just invented taco cereal.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
