My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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