He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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