is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
