How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
