Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
