Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my shit smells like andre
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Two words: nipple clamps
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