does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
