I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
