You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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