i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
