Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
