lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
