We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
