i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
