I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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