she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
