At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
