Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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