i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
