Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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