once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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