It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
