you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
