he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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