Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
