the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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