I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
