Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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