Who wears a wallet chain?!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
