guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
