dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
