I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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