i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
