Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize