its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
