no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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