I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
