I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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