so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
