Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
