you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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