Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
