Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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