i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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