Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
