is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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