I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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