So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
