She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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