She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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