Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
bring money and cleavage
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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