Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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