You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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