I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
sarcasm needs its own font
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
