I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
