We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize