A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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