Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Randomize
